The following is a letter written to younger me. This was a homework assignment given in an inner healing class that I have had the pleasure of participating in over the last seven weeks. I highly recommend writing as a form of therapy to help you process the pain from your past. ________________________________________
Dear Younger Me,
Hey there beautiful girl. Your smile just lights up a room. However, behind your smile I sense such sadness because you are trying to make since of it all. Let me tell you, you will overcome this!
You were born to a teenage mother. She was 17. Although she is not ready or committed to parenting, she will do the best that she can. You have felt rejected from the womb and not welcomed but God has a plan, trust Him.
Your family loves you, although sometimes you feel like a burden because Mama is pushing her responsibilities off on them, but they love you and want the best for you. They are doing the best that they can.
I know you are lonely. Its hard being an only child but you are creative so create. Use your imagination to create the future you want for yourself. Use your time alone to make things and develop your voice because you will use it a lot one day. The teacher noticed that you have bruises on your legs and arms and they are concerned. They are concerned for your safety, plus your acting different so you may have to move around a bit but you are not alone. Don’t be afraid its going to be okay. That overwhelming sadness you feel from abuse and angrywords will not define you.
Grammy’s prayers will wake you up early in the morning, before the sun comes up. When you hear her go and sit on her lap because she will become your greatest advocate. She will teach you how to pray and she will always affirm you. Sometimes she may say things that hurt your feeling but she is doing the best that she can. Its okay, I know your tired of hearing the fighting and arguing, so turn up your music to block out the sounds. Music will become your refuge. It will keep you company and bring you comfort. The violin will become your first instrument and you will become a member of the orchestra at school and in the community. Play until you feel freedom from the pain you feel.
You will finally find a place where you belong, in the house of the Lord with your peers. Music will again captivate your heart and you will learn about praise and worship. Lean in to that, its what you were created to do! Enjoy summer camp because its there that your life will be forever changed. You will be filled with the Holy Spirit and you will receive a gift that will empower you to overcome. Use this gift often and become familiar with it because it will one day save your life.
He’s supposed to be your stepfather, your baby brothers father, but he will hurt you too. Right before your 15th birthday he will steal something valuable from you. He will stab and beat you brutally too, but you will survive, because he will not be able to steal the gift That was given to you. Use it, it is your weapon. Remember it will save your life.
Mamas gone now, I know your sad, alone, and you feel abandoned. Your best friend (Jesus) is right beside you so talk to Him daily. Grammy will buy you a Life Application Bible. READ IT! Within its pages you will find life, healing, new life, and strength on days you want to quit.
I know today is hard, you want to go to Heaven with Mama, but God has a plan for you here. I know you don’t care about His plan right now, you would rather end it all. That’s not going to work. You will survive yet again.
Eventually you will make friends. I know you feel like you don’t fit in. High school will eventually become a great experience for you. You will find your voice again, you will sing instead of playing the violin. Music is still your source of strength. Try out for the high school musical Porgy and Bess you will get the part! Stick to those voice lessons too, it will open doors for you, and you will go to college on a music scholarship. Follow the instructions of your mentors and teachers because your gift brings healing. Not only to others but to you as well.
I realize that you have not been able to follow though with counseling because you feeling like its not working, but try to stick it out because it will help you process your emotions and you will build emotional intelligence. You will also learn coping skills that will help you navigate and make healthy choices.
Your impatience will become a stumbling block for you. You will begin to look for love in all the wrong places because you may not feel that Jesus is enough. He is, but you will have to discover this as you get older. You will meet an older gentleman who will promise you the world. He will give you two beautiful daughters and later a black eye.He will hurt you with words and his hands. You must leave this situation because your adversary sent him to take your life and abort your destiny. You will learn to fight in this relationship and escape for your life with your girls in tow.
Raising them alone will be hard but you got this! You are an overcomer, a survivor, and more than a conqueror! As you navigate through poverty, guilt, shame, and fear you will discover that on the other side is victory as long as you return to and remain in sync with your first love (Jesus). God will begin to show you what it means to be a mother to the motherless, father to the fatherless, and a husband to the widow, although your ex-husband will still be alive. He will make things difficult for you but you will be just fine. Forgive him.
You will eventually find your way though single parenting and raise two beautiful, strong, God fearing daughters. You will over come by the blood of the Lamb and the word of your testimony. You will become a cycle breaker of abuse, addiction, and poverty. You will write books that inspire and transform, and songs that heal. You will travel to the nations to share your story and your song to liberate others who are bound by abuse, addiction, depression, fear, sickness, disease, and poverty.
You will move from surviving to thriving and eventually remarry again. You and your husband will own and operate several businesses and be ordained as Pastors. Together you will both be an example to everyone you meet the power of perseverance, integrity, and faithfulness.
Keep your eyes on Jesus. Continue to eat the Holy scroll because you are called to teach it and prepare the Bride of Christ to live, thrive, and establish the Kingdom of God in the earth. You will be a voice to the voiceless, an advocate for the broken, and a facilitator of healing. Always make room for more of Him because He loves you and it is His desire to prosper you in spirit, soul, and body.
Love, You in 2020
The three things I learned through life’s pit experience were: (1) Obedience to God (2) True Surrender To The Power of the Holy Spirit (3) How to Stand in Faith Under Trial
I cried out to the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from ALL of my fear, in worship, in spirit and in truth. Through that daily perseverance of seeking His face in prayer and worship.
So how do you WIN when your going through one long Endurance Test? How do you persevere under trial until you see the promise?
Access and rely on the power of the Holy Spirit
His strength is made perfect in your weakness
Let the weak say I AM STRONG
Exercise obedience to God
Hold on to your faith under trial
No evidence, dont look like it, but you know that you know God is going to do it!
Exercise your spiritual authority with confidence and boldness!